I love my body.

It took me a long time to get here, but I can say I’m finally at a point where all the parts of myself have come together in a way that brings me confidence and pleasure. I love my height of five foot nothing, since it helps me get away with having a Tinkerbell complex if I’m feeling fiery.

Thankfully my natural body shape mimics the women on my mom’s side of the family, the typical hourglass of wider hips and shoulders to a smaller waist, so I can feel very womanly and connected to that part of myself.

And most of all, I love my body composition after years of resistance training and running.

Back when I was in high school, a girl a year ahead of me transferred from the next district over. She did gymnastics and cheerleading, and I always thought she had the perfect legs – muscular with a “dent” on the side of her thighs. She developed a reputation that I still think was unfair – and frankly motivated by dumb lusty high school boys and jealous girls that couldn’t rival her specific form of magnetism – and to this day I still think about her from a place of admiration.

I also told myself I would work hard to get that sent myself, since that wasn’t a result of age or genetics.

Since then I earned that dent, as well as my strong calves and defined back. I may be the only runner I know who prefers my shoulders and back to any of my lower body.

And now, with all that body love being out there, I have a confession. It’s a confession that’s always been there and really has come back this past week, since I’m back to dressing business casual.

I have no frickin’ idea what to wear!

On one hand I love that there are so many style options for different body types, but trying to find something flattering for my build? I’d almost prefer to mop the ocean than go clothes shopping.

Pants are Obvious Struggle #1. Fashion websites recommend that I buy straight leg trousers, since I have fuller calves and thighs. Those sit comfortably in my waist and thigh, but runs a risk of looking too baggy the rest of the way down and creating a stumpy look.

Skinny pants/jeans are a no go. Half of the time I’m lucky if I can get them up over my calves, and I’m noticing how thin a lot of the material manufacturers use is. If I’m wearing white or a light colored pant, I should never be able to see the pink of my skin through all the Spandex. Women or girls with skinny legs can get away with it, but on me, it just looks vulgar.

I’m also an in-between size, so I can size up for a looser fit through my thighs that gaps at the waist, or I can choose the size that fits my waist but is stretched through the crotch and bum areas.

A more confident woman might be willing to, but I do not have the courage to go out in public with an obvious camel toe.

Tops can be a challenge as well. I don’t like to have a lot of cleavage on a daily basis and especially not at work, or risk my bra straps falling out when I’m trying to keep a streamlined impression. But so many tops are cut with gaping necklines or smaller straps that keeping undergarments actually under the clothes is almost a losing battle.

I also don’t understand the sleeveless tops that have gaping arm holes. Why would anyone want their bra or armpits to be that prominently displayed in the office?

Especially if the wearer doesn’t like to shave regularly?

(Author’s note – before anyone accuses me of being sexist, I also think underarm hair on men looks bad as well. I’m hoping that during my lifetime it will become an acceptable for men to either shave or at least trim down their armpit hair so it doesn’t look like they’re trying to smuggle porcupines everywhere. I’m seriously digressing.)

Dresses tend to be safe, although finding one with a defined waistline can be a challenge when the current styles seem to favor loose sheaths or maxi dresses. So when I do find a wrap dress, I buy it and guard it with my life.

This brings me to this week, of trying to create outfits where I look and feel my best. I’m back into the habit of picking out my clothes the night before, as well as accessorizing, which is new for me. One of the elegance websites I read recommended ladies wearing at least two pieces of jewelry, such as earrings and a wedding set.

Typically I wear earrings for the boring, practical reason of keepings my piercings open. But I wanted to be a little fancy. So I dug out an old bracelet watch, a white Anne Klein with little sparkles on the band that dress it up and have been wearing that. If the neckline that particular day allows for it, I’ve been wearing dainty necklaces too.

I’m not in a position yet to go on a shopping spree, but I’m proud of myself for making an effort with the things I do have. I guess the moral of this post is to use what you have to look and feel as good as possible – and to utilize flesh-toned shoes to make thick legs look longer.

But mostly I’m just looking forward to the next shopping adventure, although I’m all honesty, I’ll likely get frustrated at some point and eat my sorrow at Chick-fil-A.

May you all have a great day or night, wherever you are in the world.

Yours in writing and running,

Allison