The bougie cupcake story

Me trying to be the good daughter either doesn’t work out at all, or takes a bit of a derailing that somehow manages to turn out.

Mom’s birthday was this past Saturday. I got her two presents – bedsheets from Martha Stewart’s Whim line at Macy’s and an autumn mug – and wanted to surprise her with a bouquet.

Since it’s sunflower season, I browsed the internet for the perfect sunflower and rose bouquet. There were some gorgeous sunflower and red rose combos, but since she’s a late summer baby, I thought red roses would be a little on the dark, autumnal side. Instead I found a beautiful sunflower and pink rose bouquet. It was stunning, and so I ordered the bouquet to be delivered the Friday before her birthday.

I was so excited to get that text with a picture of the flowers. I told Mom something was coming for her Friday morning, and she seemed excited too.

Then Friday morning came.

I got an email confirmation that the bouquet was delivered. I texted Mom that her gift was there, and asked her what she thought of it.

Her first text to me? “Honey, the sunflowers are rotten.”

I kept myself together since I was at work, but I was shocked when she texted me that. Mom followed up by sending me pictures of the flowers. Sure enough, the sunflowers were rotten and the roses starting to turn brown.

Those flowers were expensive and I was pissed off. I called the customer service line and got my money back. Mom told me later on she thought it was a joke and is able to laugh about the flowers. I’m still a little ticked though. If I pay $73 for flowers, I don’t want half of them rotten and the other half dying.

Deep breath, Allison.

Then it was Friday evening after work. I needed to run to Whole Foods to pick up the cupcakes I ordered for Mom’s birthday.

The weekend prior, Mom and I were talking about where she should order her cake. She’s never been to Whole Foods but read several reviews that said the bakery there is one of the best ones.

For the non-American readers ( first off – hi there!) Whole Foods is a grocery chain that caters to folks who can afford to shop organic, gluten-free, keto or whatever specialty diet they need/want to follow. Because it’s a high-dollar place, Whole Foods is only found in expensive areas. From here on, I’m going to refer to Whole Foods as bougie.

For my folks, the nearest store is 30-40 minutes south of them. Meanwhile, there’s several locations around the city and the nearest one is 10-15 away from work, so it would make sense for me to pick up the cupcakes and bring them home.

Last Saturday I got two mini cupcakes to try, a vanilla and a chocolate. I sent Mom pictures, which was then followed up by a phone call to confirm the cupcakes were in fact delicious and damn near perfect. So we put in a plan to order 20 cupcakes total – 10 vanilla and 10 chocolate.

Here’s where I goofed up.

Whole Foods makes big cupcakes, meaning that the minis look like regular size and the regular ones are giant. Mom thought the picture I sent her was a regular. Meanwhile, when I was placing the order, I didn’t specify mini cupcakes. I just didn’t think about it.

So imagine my surprise when two things happened at the cupcake pickup on Friday night.

First, I wasn’t expecting the box to be the size of a sheet cake box. The lady at the bakery lifted the lid to show me the cupcakes and there was nothing mini about them. Granted, they were beautiful, absolutely delectable and perfect. A true wonder to behold.

But they were frickin’ huge!

The second thing was I noticed the price tag. I hope all the cheap folks who read here have some smelling salts ready, and everyone else is holding on to their hats.

Those cupcakes were $80.

I have never in my life paid $80 on cupcakes. I didn’t even know I could pay $80 for cupcakes.

Since it was dinnertime and I was already paying for the cupcakes, I got a slice of pizza to go from the hot bar. The pizza was $3.50, for the people keeping tally right now.

And I must say, something about having a shopping cart full of $80 cupcakes brings out the fighter mama hen in me.

I was walking ahead of the cart, lifting it over bumps and gently steering it around the parking lot so I wouldn’t risk bumping the cupcakes. Heaven help any lummox that stopped in front of me for no reason – I was in fight mode if anyone caused me to bump or mess up the cakes.

I called Mom once I got home to confirm I had them and tell her the price. She was just as surprised as I was. As were my stepfather and grandparents.

But that didn’t stop us from devouring the cupcakes on Saturday night. And in spite of sticker shock, they were a hit. Whole Foods honest-to-God has the best cake I’ve ever tasted. I’m not embarrassed to admit I had three and a half cupcakes over two days.

Overall, Mom had a good birthday and we all had a great time together. Even if I spent way too much on bougie cupcakes.

I hope you all enjoy the story the way I enjoy telling it and have a great week ahead.

Yours in writing and running,


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