The Broad Running Broad

For the longest time I used to think the last straw had to be something upsetting, traumatizing or so painful that a drastic change had to be made yesterday.

But this time around, it was a moment of realization followed by having to ask myself a simple, straightforward question that served as the catalyst to change:

“This is so boring and a time drain. Why am I even doing this to myself?”

“This” in reference was my habit of getting lost scrolling through Instagram, checking the same accounts over and over to find nothing had changed.

I’ve written on here about my back-and-forth with social media, Instagram specifically, since that was the only one I kept past 2020 and had pretty conflicted feelings about. On one hand, I considered it my responsibility to not get too hooked (which I still believe.) I figured if I heavily filtered what I saw so I didn’t have to look at pictures and reels I found obnoxious, upsetting or just plain dumb, I would be okay.

However, what I didn’t plan on – and had to admit to myself yesterday – was that I have a bad habit of mindless scrolling when bored, or not quite awake, or in a crabby mood. I was dawdling way too much in the morning before work or weekend runs, which made me late and threw off my schedule. My focus was getting worse, and trying to fall asleep at night was a challenge no matter how tired I might have gotten over the course of the day.

And what really was the point?

When I was getting down to it, Instagram isn’t even that fun anyway unless you like noise, noise and more noise (I’ve grown to hate reels with that stupid lip-synched audio.)

So yesterday afternoon, I decided it was time to take my time and by extension my life back.

I deleted my accounts and removed the app from my phone for good.

It’s only been Day One. Reader-friends, my focus yesterday afternoon and throughout today has been restored like I never even had the stupid app in the first place.

My thoughts aren’t jumbled, and completing tasks doesn’t take so damn long anymore. Even Marina has noticed her mom is alert but calmer, which is part of why I decided to use the picture I snapped of her yesterday for my featured photo. She was tired of the half-aware, half-there mom. And she’s adorable.

Social media gets criticism for a few things, like contributing to FOMO, loneliness or seducing users into going all in keeping up with the Joneses. These are all valid and definitely something I struggled with back in my early-to-mid-20s. However, now that I’m at my big age of 32, I’m finding there’s a lot I just don’t have the time or energy for anymore.

I don’t like taking pictures of myself. I’m not interested in oversharing, or Making A Statement. I especially have no desire to convince the internet I’m living my best life, when I could be, you know, actually living my best life offline. I have no points to prove, and frankly, if I’m serious about mental well-being, social media is probably the last place I need to be hanging out.

And if this is only Day One, who knows how much growth and peace I can be feeling after Year One is up. Or Year Five.

But don’t worry – you all aren’t getting rid of me so easily. Writing is still my #1 creative outlet and I genuinely like blogging, so I’ll still share most of my thoughts and adventures here.

With that being said, I hope you all enjoy your evening and a peaceful, mindful weekend ahead. And Happy Mother’s Day to everyone who celebrates!

Yours in life and writing,

Allison