The Broad Running Broad

A couple days ago I was thinking about the word of intention for Chapter 33.

Chapter 32 became the comeback year, where I did some course correcting in my career, got back into running regularly like I used to do pre-pandemic and got my groove back in the day-to-day. It turns out the saying about your 30s being like your 20s but with money is true. I feel very young, but not unsure of myself like I once did. I’m ending 32 and coming into 33 feeling empowered to take on the world and discover my place in it.

One word – or rather one phrase – kept standing out to me about Chapter 33: radical self-acceptance.

Alongside feeling empowered, there’s also acceptance for parts of myself I used to think were weird or too (insert adjective here) or “not enough.”

A loner? Nope – there’s life and people all around me. And I’ve met plenty of introverts who confirmed that needing time to recharge social batteries is simply part of our nature, that nobody can be a cheerleader all of the time unless they’re on something likely illegal or at least questionable.

Inelegant? Nope – first of all, elegance is a behavior before anything else. I also happen to like brightly colored clothes, fun patterns and the Life is Good shirts that have Winnie the Pooh on them. Neutrals are unflattering on me, beige is depressing (and makes me look jaundiced), and I see no reason why I have to dress matronly to communicate I’m An Adult.

In the same vein, I also reject the idea that we’re all supposed to be comfortable with letting it all hang out when it’s really not appropriate. I’ve officially aged out of the “baddie” demographic and the implicit pressure to style myself like an Instagram influencer/lady on the prowl, which I am more than okay with. I was raised to dress modestly, that it’s tacky to be all cleavage and all cheeks out all of the time, and if anyone wants to give me flack for it that says more about them than it does me.

I also reject the idea that I’m supposed to be miserable because I’m an adult and apparently we’re all supposed to be depressed or anxious about something all of the time.

There’s a lot in life that’s challenging, depressing, heartbreaking, you name it. Hell, I struggled with depression throughout my teens and 20s and wasn’t finally able to overcome it until a few years back. So I’m aware of and I’m not insensitive to struggles with mental wellbeing in a society that benefits from its citizens being mentally unwell or living in anger.

But for everything I can’t control, there’s also a lot that I can. I’m not going to dwell in misery, and I’m also not going to dim my own happy light because other people around me might be miserable and my happiness might irritate them or bring out jealousy. Yes, “must be nice” crowd, it is nice to be present and experience a full range of emotions.

And finally, speaking of emotions, I’ve accepted something else about myself that I spent so long ignoring: I am sensitive.

Back when I was around seven or eight, my mom babysat the neighborhood boys. I can’t remember what happened, but I went away crying and the boys asked my mom what was going on. Mom explained to them that I’m a girl and girls have soft feelings, and I was experiencing those which was normal and okay.

There’s nothing wrong with what Mom said, but at the same time, yikes was I embarrassed. Feelings were for wimps and crybabies, and for the longest time, I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t sensitive. There was something inherently wrong with sensitivity, since I had many occasions where the same sensitivity got me picked on and picked apart.

But now, at 33, I’ve accepted I am sensitive. I do have soft feelings. I have a soft spot in my heart for animals and children, and I can’t stand to see terrible things happening to good people. I feel deeply, and I don’t have to apologize for it.

I also don’t have to be around people who act like sensitivity is some great character failing, or who weaponize honesty as an excuse to be cruel or unnecessarily mean-spirited. I don’t even owe anyone my time or an explanation as to why I don’t want to associate with them. You know how the British Royal Family has the unofficial motto “never complain, never explain?” I’ve got a part three to that – Never complain, never explain, don’t even entertain callous people in the first place.

So here we are at the beginning of Chapter 33. I’m embracing everything about myself I ever felt self-conscious about. I’m embracing the colorful, the cheerful, the passionate and even the corny. I’m embracing my faith and being optimistic for the future’s possibilities, and I’m embracing the range of emotions. I’m rejoicing during the great times and allowing myself to grieve during sad or challenging times. And if anyone wants to look down on it and write me off as “corny,” I’m okay with that.

It’s the year of radical self-acceptance.

And with all of that being said, I hope you all have a wonderful day ahead.

Yours in life and writing,

Allison