The Broad Running Broad

When I was growing up, it wasn’t uncommon to hear the adults around me talking about aches and pains, the challenges they were going through in their own lives and various disappointments/resentments.

Granted, it was pretty rare for anyone to come out and acknowledge they were in fact disappointed or resented how some part of their life turned out/was going. Instead, the confession came out as the refrain that said it all without saying it at all: “You just wait.”

• Just wait until you get old (and lose mobility/get the diagnosis/no longer receive romantic attention from the opposite sex because they’re too busy creeping on co-eds.)

• Just wait until you’re (unhappily) married and have a husband/wife to take care of.

• Just wait until you have a kid (and regret it every day of your life.)

• Just wait until you have another kid. (As a side note, I do not understand the regretful parents who have one kid, hate it, and then make another baby or two. Just … why?)

• Just wait until you’re divorced (you would think for some of these people this would be the catalyst for happiness, but alas, it’s not.)

The “waiters” can never seem to encourage waiting for miracles or things to go well, like receiving a job offer for a sane workplace or one the Chippendale’s dancers showing up on your patio, announcing he has decided to change career fields and will now serve you as your personal butler for the rest of your days.

Candidly, Chapter 33 has brought some shifts with how I view myself and timeline grief. I haven’t turned into a “waiter” and in the event a “you just wait” thought pops into my head, I’m taking that as a sign to call a therapist and figure out what’s wrong with me.

But I have been battling the feelings of where I thought I’d be versus where I am, and having to finally make peace with a few things.

Professionally, this has been a learning year unlike any other. Part of the challenge is that I’ve been in my industry for eight years already. After that amount of time, there’s a nagging feeling that I should be knowing some things automatically, and I’ve found myself wondering if coworkers in the same role for the same amount of time are higher up on the learning curve or if we’re really all in the same boat and nobody’s talking about it.

Talking to coworkers does help, and I spend a lot of time reminding myself that learning something new is a part of my job no matter how long I’ve been in it. There’s no point in the comparison game when 1.) I genuinely have no idea how everyone else is doing, so comparisons are purely speculative and 2.) almost everyone at work has said it’s a learning curve that takes a while, so even if I’ve been exposed to various industry concepts before, if I never did anything with them in my daily tasks, I wouldn’t know it off the top of my head.

In my personal life, 33 brought on a burnout that was unlike anything else. It wasn’t debilitating like the depression I struggled with throughout 2022 – I could still function in daily life, but there was always a lingering exhaustion that I could never sleep or caffeinate away.

I took a break from running in favor of cross training, and lifting fell by the wayside as well. Self-care was reduced to the basics, and my attempts at eating healthy were … well, they were attempts. I finally had to accept that I can’t drink Diet Coke anymore and carrying antacid is a non-negotiable. I’m also eating more salads and finding I prefer the taste of them to pasta and bread.

Still had Kraft macaroni and cheese twice last week, though.

In retrospect, 33 was a year of accepting there’s a lot I don’t know (at work and in life), and that it’s okay if where I’m at currently doesn’t match the picture I had in my head. There’s no shame in feeling the energy shift and getting tired more easily. All that means is I have to take care of myself to reduce the burnout symptoms and have a stash of electrolytes nearby.

I’m also taking this is a sign to take a look at my fueling and training for the next training cycle, since I’m not willing to give up doing something I love and blaming it on getting older.

So ends Chapter 33 and in a few days begins Chapter 34, the year of the Serenity Prayer. The shortened version is the best known, but the full version is my favorite and says it best:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

I hope you all enjoy a peaceful week ahead.

Yours in life and writing,

Allison