The Broad Running Broad

Every once in a while I like to scroll through a new-to-me blog or one I used to visit in years past to see what’s new. The new-to-me blog is Paging Dr. Nerdlove.

Based off the letters he replies to and the focus on dating/relationship coaching for men, I’m going to bet I’m not the target demographic. However, his advice is solid no matter who you are and he’s a detailed but fun read. The letter I was reading was from a man who wanted to make up for lost time in his 30s, since dating wasn’t an option in his 20s.

I’m not going to go through all of his answer, but the good doctor started off by telling the letter-writer that he needed to dump the idea of “making up for lost time” since there’s no time as “lost” time, but simply it wasn’t the right time (meaning his 20s) for him to try dating and looking for a relationship since he had several challenges to work through first.

Truth be told, I felt pretty called out about the “making up for lost time” thinking.

Due to a combination of environmental and personality factors, I was a late bloomer. Which resulted in me spending a lot of my 20s feeling like I needed to hurry up and get to the next place, or else the anxiety of not being where I was supposed to be would eat at me. Intellectually I knew that everyone moves through life at the pace meant for them and there’s no shame in my life not looking like other women’s (or at least what the other women were sharing online.) But mentally? That was easier said than done.

Then my 30s came. The good news is that I’ve outgrown the comparison trap, but I’ve been catching myself using the phrase “making up for lost time” a lot more lately in reference to places I want to go and things I want to do professionally. I have time and I also can’t shake the feeling that life is short, so if I want to go on my grand adventures, I need to do it yesterday.

But then I had to remember a few things:

1.) I needed to be making adult money first to finance my aspirations, which I am now.

and

2.) There really is no be-all, end-all for the timeline life has to be lived for anyone.

I’ve had plenty of wrong times when I was struggling with depression and not handling life well. I’ve also had plenty of wrong times when I wanted to try to keep plunging forward in spite of the situation being fruitless or my gut telling me the guy or girl gang was disinterested/cold/didn’t actually like me.

But I’ve also had plenty of right times when I was willing to lean back and evaluate situations to determine if they were worth getting involved in or would inevitably go south. I had right times when I decided to let the universe do its thing and to not worry about what others might think.

So where does this leave me with the “making up for lost time” mentality?

Finally deciding there’s no point in holding on to it, so I’m letting it go and making the effort to not pick it back up again.

After all, you can’t lose something if you never had it in the first place. You can’t lose chaotic and dysfunctional relationships. You can’t lose “dream” jobs in nightmare settings. And since I didn’t have many opportunities to enjoy the fruits of my labors growing up compared to some of the other kids I knew, I couldn’t have known what I missing.

Now here I am in the right time in the present with opportunities to make dreams come true. I’d be an idiot to squander that focusing on the past.

So Reader-friends, there really is no time but now. I hope wherever you are you’re able to have your own “no time but now” moment and experience joyful peace.

Yours in life and running,

Allison